Love Experts Spill 20-Something Dating Do’s and Dont’s
Your nerves are intensifying minute-by-minute as you’re nearing the start of your first date with Mr. Dream Boat. Could this be just one of many no-spark first dates or could it turn out to be your last first date ever? Only time will tell, but Life2PointOh’s giving you the edge by talking to the country’s leading dating experts for their rules on scoring a second date.
Do:
Make a cursory effort to reach for the check, if only to give him the opportunity to say, ‘Don’t be silly. I got it.’ And if he doesn’t offer to pay? He’s obviously an idiot. – Jeff Cagney, author, howtomeetbroads.com
Comment on the small things. It’s all in the details. You like the shape of their eyes? How their lip curls? Do you notice a cool tattoo peeking out from underneath his shirt sleeve? Ask about it, tell them that you like it. – Sandy Weiner, dating coach, lastfirstdate.com
Listen. Don’t monopolize the conversation. You’ll learn even more about your date by letting him maneuver the conversation, and in turn, you’ll be more relaxed. – Tina B. Tessina (aka “Dr. Romance”), psychotherapist/author, The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
Focus on the friendship. This early, you can’t know where it might go, so concentrate on developing the friendship. You can have as many friends as you want. – Tina B. Tessina
Give and get feedback. Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thought of it, for future reference. – Tina B. Tessina
Let your date know if you enjoyed his/her company. A compliment is always welcome. If you’d like to do it again, say so. – Tina B. Tessina
Set boundaries. Remind yourself that sex, love and romance live in separate parts of the brain and have their own set of chemicals. You will save yourself a lot of misery immediately. – Dr. Brenda Schaeffer, loveaddiction.com
Dress for the occasion. Wear an outfit that makes you feel “bulletproof.” – Jeremy Hamburgh, Founder, Hitchcraft Dating Consulting, HitchcraftProject.com
Have an arsenal of backup dating conversation topics in case there is a lull in the conversation. – Samantha Daniels, matchmaker, author of Matchbook: The Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker
Smile! When you arrive, SMILE! Maybe you are nervous. Maybe you are paralyzed. Either way, smile. – LaVonya Reeves, CEO/Founder, reboundlovers.com/battered-not-broken.com
Stay optimistic even when dating has got you down. Treat every first date as if it could be your last first date, and one day it will be! – Rachel Russo, MS, MFT, dating/relationship/image coach, rachelrusso.com
Be aware, alert and attentive. Pay attention to non-verbal signals, body language, eye contact, voice tone, his attention span and interest. Trust your inner antenna/gut feelings about whether he seems sincere, authentic and attentive to YOU. – Rosalind Sedacca
Have a time limit. Think of a first date as a movie trailer to what you have to offer. So instead of letting the date drag on, you should always have a cut off time. If the guy is truly interested, you’ll leave him yearning for more. And if the date sucks, at least you have a legitimate excuse to get out of it. – Yue Xu, singlefied.com
Go to a quieter type of place for the first date so you don’t have to shout at each other during the conversation. If the date ends up at a louder place later, sit side-by-side if you’re into him. Because it is so loud, you will have to talk into each other’s ears instead of shouting across a table. – Cary Farley, author, Mr. Date Night: A Recipe for the Perfect Date
Greet your date with a hug. Leave the handshakes for business meetings! Breaking the physical barrier will make you instantly more comfortable with each other and allow you to have good body language for the rest of the night. – Laurie Davis, Founder/CEO, eFlirtExpert.com
Don’t:
Talk about your ex. At all. Or your pets. Really, he probably doesn’t care. Even if he also likes dogs, he doesn’t want to hear about how special your border collie is. – Jeff Cagney
Order spaghetti. Trust me on this one. No one in the history of mankind has ever looked sexy while slurping up spaghetti, and there is roughly a 97 percent chance that you’ll splatter some sauce on your shirt. – Jeff Cagney
Don’t treat your date like a job interview or business meeting. You should go home after work and change into something less professional. Leave the office behind and get yourself in the mood to meet someone special–without interviewing him/her for the position of your significant other. Relax and be real! – Rachel Russo
Make empty promises. If you promise to call, mean it. – Tina B. Tessina
Give one-word answers to his questions because it will make the date feel like a bad job interview. Instead, do give dynamic answers. – Jeremy Hamburgh
Be self critical on your first date. How is someone else going to like you if you don’t seem to like yourself? – Samantha Daniels
Scare your date with family drama. Everyone’s family is dysfunctional, but don’t make your date think that yours should be institutionalized. – Samantha Daniels
Tweet about it. With the ease of social media these days, more people are blogging/tweeting/facebooking about their dating experiences. It may be interesting for your friends to read, but it’s not fair to your date. It will also kick you in the ass if you do end up dating him for longer and he sees your tweets later in the relationship. Think of your first date as a sacred experience between just you and him. – Yue Xu
Order the most expensive item on the menu. – Jerry Wade, thelovermanjerrywade.com
Tell the other person you performed a background check, Facebook stalked him, read his Twitter feed, etc. – Jerry Wade
Check your emails, text or look down at your iPhone or Blackberry every chance you get. It’s just plain rude! Show the person you are interested in being there and in them. – Lori Bizzoco, founder, loribizz.com/cupidspulse.com
Hold onto a mental checklist. Let go of the fact that he’s not tall enough, not rich enough, not dressed the right way. If you really want to meet someone, throw that list out the window. Open your mind and get to know the person for who they are without your own image of what you want getting in the way. – Lori Bizzoco
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